Additional Comment -- From Sunny :)

Hi SG -

Thanks for writing back.
You write VERY WELL.
Thank You for sharing.

You might want to see a counseling professional.
I'm not trained or licensed to deal with depression and such.

I CAN relate to how you feel.
When I was your age I felt similarly.

But that's also when I started positive thinking.

I didn't love myself.
One of the things that helped me to begin to love myself
was to affirm the following:

I greet this day with love in my heart, for this is the greatest secret of success in all ventures. Muscle can split a shield and even destroy life, but only the unseen power of love can open hearts and until I master this art, I remain no more than a peddler in the market place. I make love my greatest weapon and none on whom I call can defend against its force.

I greet this day with love in my heart. And how do I do this? Henceforth I look on all things with love and am born again. I love the sun, for it warms my bones, yet I love the rain, for it cleanses my spirit. I love the light, for it shows me the way, yet I love the darkness, for it shows me the stars. I welcome happiness, for it enlarges my heart, and I endure sadness, for it opens my soul. I acknowledge rewards, for they are my due, yet I welcome obstacles, for they are my challenge.

I greet this day with love in my heart. And how do I speak? I love my enemies and they become friends. I encourage my friends and they become brothers and sisters. Always do I dig for reasons to applaud. Never do I scratch for excuses to gossip. When I attempted t criticize, I bite off my tongue. When I am moved to praise, I shout it from the roofs.

I greet this day with love in my heart. And how do I act? I love all men, For each has qualities to be admired, even though they be hidden. I love the ambitious, for they can inspire me. I love the famous, for they can teach me. I love the young for the faith they hold. I love the old for the wisdom they share.

I greet this day with love in my heart. But how do I react to the actions of others? With love, for just as love is my weapon to open the hearts of men, love is also my shield to repulse the hours of hate and the spears of anger. Adversity and discouragement beat against my new shield and become as the softest of rain.

I greet this day with love in my heart. And how do I confront each whom I meet? In silence and to myself I will address him or her and say ‘I love you’. These words shine in my eyes, unwrinkle my brow, bring a smile to my lips and echo in my voice, and his or her heart will be opened. And who is there who will say "Nay" to my goods, when his or her heart feels my love.

I greet this day with love in my heart. And most of all, I love myself. Never do I overindulge the requests of my flesh. Rather I cherish my body with cleanliness and moderation. Never do I allow my mind to be attracted to evil and despair. Rather I uplift it with the knowledge and wisdom of the ages. Never do I allow myself to become complacent and satisfied. Rather do I feed my mind with meditation and prayer. Never do I allow my heart to become small and bitter. Rather do I share it and it grows and warms the earth.

I greet this day with love in my heart. Henceforth I love all mankind. From this moment, I have not time to hate, only time to love.

It comes from the 10 ancient scrolls for success - by Og Mandino.
I found this to be the most powerful one.
Read it aloud at least 3 times a day
Memorize it
It could change your life.

I think this really helped me over the years to begin changing my thoughts,
along with other affirmations, like my 105.

By the way,
you can sign up to receive my 105 weekly - 1 per week here, if you wish:

http://www.sunnythoughts.com/newha105weeklysignup01.htm

I hope this helps.
I hope you can believe in yourself and trust yourself more and more each day.
If so, then it won't matter what your partner/friend or anyone else thinks or says or does.
Much Love and Joy to You & Your Loved Ones, SG!